Elder Derek Miller's Mission Site

I Gave a Lion a Bath...

Date: May 03, 2011
Area: Manga, Mozambique
Companion: Delgado


Sorry for the week delay. It happens...
*yawn* Hi.
That was my boring intro to an awesome exciting letter. Haha. Creativity lacking today.
I must say I am quite impressed with Josh's prom pics. So were all of the missionaries. Haha. They gathered around my computer looking very intently at what is a very chique young man and a very lovely young woman at a very nice house in a very wonderful land. Well. Ya done good bro! They are impressed! I know this is a very missionary thing to say but--remember to have fun and keep the commandments! Haha. Just that. sorry. I get carried away. lol
So... News from the front lines... Not much really. I'm just a typing away on P-day. There is more talk of riots coming up soon. There were some manifestations earlier on in the week but here in Beira all is calm. There isn't too much that reaches this far north. In Maputo, everything is super political and so there might be more stuff there. Anyways. It happens.
Crazy stories this week:
Story 1) Once upon a time, we went to a house and we were talking to a very fine and smart young man. He is an incredible investigator (visit 3 he bore HIS testimony to US haha) and is progressing in leaps and bounds, well on his way to baptism. A little background before we get too ahead of ourselves in the story. Once upon a time his mom was sick and couldn't get up to walk. She functions normally aside from the fact that she can't walk or stand up at all. So she functions normally except that she doesn't. Anyways. He asked us if we could give her a blessing. So we accepted and went into the house. At first we talked to the mom and she told us what the problem was. So I started to do the annointing and I looked to give back the oil to my comp and it was then that I noticed, mounted in plain sight on the wall a big 'ol poster calendar of shame! AKA pornography. I wanted to smack my head and say Thanks a lot Satan! He just tries to ruin everything doesn't he? Anyways, so trying to clear my mind of such apostacy I annointed and we blessed and left. Haha. Not exactly the best enviornment to perform a blessing eh? So we went back and found out that his mother was up and walking! (What a blessing!) Then we gave a lesson about the plan of salvation and our divine nature as children of God. Then I told him to Reverence His Sanctuary by removing the "idol" in his house--and it was really an idol because it was the first thing you see when you enter the house is the Calander of SHAME! Haha. So ya. He took it down immediately after. Awesome! Ok back to the real story. So we found out that his mom started feeling sick again and she was confined to her bed. Mind you they still haven't brought her to the hospital yet. So we are sitting talking and all of the sudden I hear some screams, grunts and a lot of weird noises. Then I see the dad come out, put hot coals on a plate, and walk back in. So a little disturbed by the event I asked him what was going on. Well. He said that dad called a witch doctor to cast the "evil spirit" out of her body. Apparently they were using hot coals to burn..... incense. Haha Got ya there. Anyways. He was doing all sorts of crazy chants and stuff like that. I wanted to smack my head a second time and just be like "Did you not see anything the first time!" But whatevs. The young man knows better. He is too smart for that but he can't exactly tell his parents what to do (I think he can in this instance but let's face it, that's kind of a hard thing to do). Anyways, we had a good lesson about false traditions of the Lamanites and the good traditions of the nephites. It was good.
Story 2) Once upon a time, after the witch doctor story we were driving away a little frustrated by the event that had just happened when we saw a man grabbing a woman by the shirt and she was making a big fuss (rightfully so). Well there ain’t much in this world that brings out the bear in Elder Miller like maltreatment of women. So we stopped and asked what was going on and no one said anything. So I turned off the car, got out and controlling my inner fire I said “Sir. Sir. Leave her alone.” But he didn’t do anything. Super annoyed I asked again. No response from either of them. It was as if we weren’t there. He ended up letting her go a few times but as she started to leave he grabbed her again. Anyway it was all really confusing because people started coming out of nowhere and some one asked “Hey, isn’t that your husband?” There were all sorts of other comments made and it appeared that the one at fault was the girl. Looks like she was caught cheating on her husband (even though they are probably not legally married). I still have no idea what happened but we decided that since the family was there gathered we could leave it alone. Haha. Wow. I got mad at him, then at her, and now I’m just mad at Satan. Haha. Sometimes I want to punch him right in the face.
The End.
Great stories huh?

But not only that, there are more!
I gave a lion a bath this week! Ok not really a lion but it looks like one! It was a big dog that has long hair, giving it a mane like a lion. But you can just say I gave a lion a bath. It is more interesting that way.
We also had to help someone out this week. Monday an investigator called and long story short he was contemplating suicide. Well we were over there in a jiffy with our branch president. I had no idea what to do. I'm the white "rich" guy (because all white guys are rich supposedly) and it doesn't help that I have a car. Haha. So sometimes I don't know if people really pay attention to me because they think I don't understand. We can just say, I rely on the Lord for a lot on knowing what to do. But in this instance I had nothing. But our Branch President was fantastic! I am gaining a testimony of missionaries who serve in their own country. It really is important! They have a better understanding of things. I guess I'm just here helping Mozambique become a little more self-sufficient when it comes to missionary work. Anyways. With the help of our Branch Pres. We got everything worked out.
Then as for a reference we had to stop a family feud. Seriously it was rough. Angry mom and drunk dad were doing violence on daughter. Not very cool at all. So we went to break it up. It was pretty intense. I have never seen such madness! They were throwing things and screaming at each other (hot coals and an Iron cooking stove thing were among the items thrown) anyway, pretty intense. We ended up calming down the situation and hopefully we can teach them the gospel. Dad is ALWAYS hammered and mom is just annoying (when we came over for the second time, she knelt down at us and it was kind of like she was trying to worship us--AWKWARD!) Anyways, we will see how it goes.
Other than that, these past two weeks have been normal. haha. "Normal". What is that anyway? Just a setting on a dishwasher. What is a dishwasher? I don't know! Haha. Gotcha there! I'm excited to talk with y'alls. I think I will give you a call to make sure things work the night before Sunday and I'll tell you the time then. Hopefully that works out right. Anyways, as for now, stay cool and keep the commandments. Love one another and be awesome!
Until really soon!
Elder Miller


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April 19th, 2014 Elder Miller has returned home.
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